This post has been edited due to the amazing responses and assistance I have received here... you guys are awesome! Cheers...
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Problem With Boyfriend's As Magicians Assistants
- Thread starter AshleyHall
- Start date
I live in a small town. About 7,000 people id say, I actually live near it not in it. It's pretty run down, but every year it seems I make a really good friend. Small town syndrome isn't the problem, nor do I think it exists. A borderline abusive relationship was the problem. I recommend talking to the people you trust most about how to cope with loss and leaving a long troubled relationship like that. As a topic, it's really not at home here. Though I know there are people on this forum with more life experience than both of us put together, who may reach out to you.
Other advice I can offer, would be to not get romantically or physically involved with your assistants. Of course it may work, and you could be the brand new reverse debbie mcgee and paul daniels duo, but nine times out of ten it's a bad call. Just like going into business with friends.
You seem to be emotionally unstable right now, I suspect the short rant wasn't worded as well as it could of been because of that. Sorry I cant help more, I just dont think this is where you should be asking for this kind of help.
Best of luck.
Other advice I can offer, would be to not get romantically or physically involved with your assistants. Of course it may work, and you could be the brand new reverse debbie mcgee and paul daniels duo, but nine times out of ten it's a bad call. Just like going into business with friends.
You seem to be emotionally unstable right now, I suspect the short rant wasn't worded as well as it could of been because of that. Sorry I cant help more, I just dont think this is where you should be asking for this kind of help.
Best of luck.
Heya Ashley!
Don't worry, bad things happen to us all. It is stressful and horrible, but there is always a bright side.
I personally have also had girlfriends that have turned into assistants (not the other way around) and I have used them on stage and when planting cards for close up and so forth. The bad thing about this is that as soon as the relationship is over, they walk away with all the secrets you taught them to help you. The good thing about using partners is that they're free, and happy to help normally! Magic is always there for you to help you through, and personally whenever I come out of a relationship I then delve into magic books and DVDs and other things, as well as pursuing more gigs. That is the good things from ending a relationship to me, I catch up on all the magic I may have missed whilst spending time with that person and also go out and perform a hell of a lot more. However it does seem like you got it pretty bad.
I am in the UK so I have no idea about competitions in the US, but I do wish you the best of luck, and I hope you feel better soon, I'm sure you will do
Simon_Magic
Don't worry, bad things happen to us all. It is stressful and horrible, but there is always a bright side.
I personally have also had girlfriends that have turned into assistants (not the other way around) and I have used them on stage and when planting cards for close up and so forth. The bad thing about this is that as soon as the relationship is over, they walk away with all the secrets you taught them to help you. The good thing about using partners is that they're free, and happy to help normally! Magic is always there for you to help you through, and personally whenever I come out of a relationship I then delve into magic books and DVDs and other things, as well as pursuing more gigs. That is the good things from ending a relationship to me, I catch up on all the magic I may have missed whilst spending time with that person and also go out and perform a hell of a lot more. However it does seem like you got it pretty bad.
I am in the UK so I have no idea about competitions in the US, but I do wish you the best of luck, and I hope you feel better soon, I'm sure you will do
Simon_Magic
I don't use assistants (yet) so this issue has never come up. But I've seen a friend cause trouble in two relationships because he kept trying to push the magic involvement on his partners. At first they're always enthusiastic (because they want to help) but then it gets tedious. Always remember that your own hobby may not be as interesting to anyone else, even if they love you.
So I agree with ReservoirRed - Don't work with family, friends or lovers if you can avoid it. I don't tend to worry too much about them knowing my secrets, but I've always been taught that it's best to keep personal relationships personal, and professional relationships professional, and never mix them.
I don't think this is the place for relationship advice, so I'm not going to touch that beyond saying that if you've had emotional troubles in the past, the best thing you can do is work on making yourself healthy and sane before trying to find new partners.
You can probably find a magician buddy to tag along with to conventions, especially if you live near a shop. That way you won't be alone in strange cities, which is always a vulnerable position in which to be.
So I agree with ReservoirRed - Don't work with family, friends or lovers if you can avoid it. I don't tend to worry too much about them knowing my secrets, but I've always been taught that it's best to keep personal relationships personal, and professional relationships professional, and never mix them.
I don't think this is the place for relationship advice, so I'm not going to touch that beyond saying that if you've had emotional troubles in the past, the best thing you can do is work on making yourself healthy and sane before trying to find new partners.
You can probably find a magician buddy to tag along with to conventions, especially if you live near a shop. That way you won't be alone in strange cities, which is always a vulnerable position in which to be.
There are a handful of old timers that have a running "joke" around them because they bring in a younger girl for the act about every ten years a.k.a. the dirty old man condition. While I think it loathsome it has been as much a common side to magic as the Top Hat & Tails. Similarly, there are those acts that are so dependent on a good partner that is loyal, honest and dedicated and yet, things get screwy and there goes "the act" -- one of the best examples is when a husband & wife or partners start working on a code act; nothing has brought about more destroyed relationships in this biz, when it comes to the art itself. Such acts are challenging and trying but once you get through the rough spots, you have a winning thing . . . until one of you get wondering eye syndrome or caught-up in an addiction of some sort, etc.
Relationships are hard enough, but when we try to have one in which our spouse is involved, the stress can become horrid. Just having an understanding and supportive spouse is hard enough to find, let alone one willing to be part of the act; a situation that now day's requires something akin to a Prenup agreement just to cover yourself and the secrets around the act. A scenario that's insulting on one level, because it challenges/questions trust & loyalty -- not exactly a good thing when it comes to situations involving amoure.
ON THE MORE PERSONAL POINTS. . . you have a 10 ton elephant in front of you that you're ignoring. This individual IS NOT being supportive but more a major detriment. There comes a point where you have to start looking at your own life, your own goals in life and discarding the things that are conducive when it comes to reaching those goals. The sad fact being that this "boy friend" needs to get off his backside and become a productive human being or else you need to change the locks on your doors and set his stuff out on the lawn.
If there is absolutely no positive factor coming from this person and he is making his burdens your problem, you need to boot him out of the door and out of your life. You need to do this in a very concise manner, with witnesses and if need be, legal counsel.
Yes, it's hard to do this because we tend to want to think of the "better side" of such a person and we will remember the good vs. the negative. But what is more important is the question that must be asked; enabling this person for the rest of their life for the sake of good (?) sex and on-going grief . . . the loss of your own dreams? Or, is it more important to claim back your life and work in a positive direction that will bring your dreams to life?
Relationships are hard enough, but when we try to have one in which our spouse is involved, the stress can become horrid. Just having an understanding and supportive spouse is hard enough to find, let alone one willing to be part of the act; a situation that now day's requires something akin to a Prenup agreement just to cover yourself and the secrets around the act. A scenario that's insulting on one level, because it challenges/questions trust & loyalty -- not exactly a good thing when it comes to situations involving amoure.
ON THE MORE PERSONAL POINTS. . . you have a 10 ton elephant in front of you that you're ignoring. This individual IS NOT being supportive but more a major detriment. There comes a point where you have to start looking at your own life, your own goals in life and discarding the things that are conducive when it comes to reaching those goals. The sad fact being that this "boy friend" needs to get off his backside and become a productive human being or else you need to change the locks on your doors and set his stuff out on the lawn.
If there is absolutely no positive factor coming from this person and he is making his burdens your problem, you need to boot him out of the door and out of your life. You need to do this in a very concise manner, with witnesses and if need be, legal counsel.
Yes, it's hard to do this because we tend to want to think of the "better side" of such a person and we will remember the good vs. the negative. But what is more important is the question that must be asked; enabling this person for the rest of their life for the sake of good (?) sex and on-going grief . . . the loss of your own dreams? Or, is it more important to claim back your life and work in a positive direction that will bring your dreams to life?
I am a big proponent of don't sleep with the help because very few people can separate business and personal feelings from each other. Some can make it work but it's not easy (especially when yer young). If yhou are putting more in than you are getting out, step back and re-examine yer situation.