Help with a story?

[TylerRouss]

In need of a trick to practice false deals, in need of a trick with a story, in need of a new project, i came up with this presentation. Probably been done many a time before, but I've never seen it, and i would love some ideas for how to best present the stories "theme" or the specific patter. I'm trying to make this trick have a 2-5 min storyline. My general style as a magician is natural, i try and make all my tricks seem as if it just occurred to me that something might work, and i want to try it. With this, id like to break away from that fairly limited style. Expand my performance, include some different types of presentations just to play with.

[video=youtube;l4Jhra6Qe-Q]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l4Jhra6Qe-Q&feature=plcp[/video]

I am currently working with the idea of four boys, who go through some set of events, and emerge as men. (Jacks to Kings)
Also any advice on my bottoms, seconds, false ribbon spread, or controls would be thoroughly appreciated.

Thanks guys!
Tyler

 

[PurpleMustache]

i think you need to work on your second deal a bit. the deal itself is clean, but you pull your left hand up to hide the deal and it's too obvious. i've heard richard turner talk about this common problem specifically and it's mostly just a psychological thing.

 

[TylerRouss]

Thank you! I didn't even notice i was doing it.. It doesn't seem to be a habit, but I'll keep an eye out for it cropping back up. Any advice on the bottom?

 

[chriswiehl]

Search up some cultures that have rights of passage, or even just look around where you are for some of these rights. Like getting a licence, turning 18 (or 21) . That might help you find a story.

 

[TylerRouss]

Chris! I have played with the idea of a 21st birthday party gone wrong. It works, but has a lot of kinks and doesnt quite sound natural for me yet. I like the idea of something cultural though... Thanks for the feedback!