Magicians Phrasebook

[PjPinsonnault]

I've got tons, but I got to use one last week. I was doing a holiday party for about 100 people and I made some comment to which a gentleman in a Santa hat who took full advantage of the open bar yelled:

"You're sh***ing me!"

I looked right at him and said "Sir, I wouldn't, you're my favorite turd."

Crowd went nuts.

Looking back, though, this was one of the toughest crowds I've ever played. I didn't get paid nearly enough!

Pj

 

[Morgan B]

Wow...this thread makes me hate magic. I am not trying to be rude guys, but your "lines" are neither original, nor are they all that great. Most of your responses are condescending.

Someone asks you a sincere question, and you mock them.

How is it done? "Magic" - yes, you have real magic powers!? Not a very adult answer, actually, I don't expect you to tell them - but a bit more of a connected answer that doesn't dismiss someone taking interest in you would be more mature.

Saying you are a Leprechaun - then they say, "no really" as in "no really, don't patronize me, I am asking you a serious question. Thanks for making me feel stupid" - then they ask again and you carry on with your charade.

I think many magicians don't know the difference of creating laughs and being laughed at. They also don't know the difference between a clever line and a line that sounds like "and 90% of the lines on this thread are" they come from a book of one liners...that are so old, I feel off my dinosaur when I last heard them...cricket...cricket. Exactly, old one liners guys - try to be creative.

When I came into this thread, I thought - wow, who would share the only thing that makes them different. We all do similar effects, from various sources, but what we say separates us...until I read the last three pages of garbage. THIS is mouth garbage that BX was kicked off for talking about - no wonder he hated it. I almost don't blame him, if this is what the standard of humour is.

Side note related - the Sankey joke about the break - EXPOSURE! This is funny (barely) in a room full of magicians...NOT for lay audiences.

The point is this - if you are going to continue to steal old lines from magicians...you are doing yourself and magic a disservice. By the looks of all of your "FUNNY LINES", I would also say you are missing a chance to connect, trying so hard to be funny...and when you get a laugh - you think, wow, aren't "I" funny....nope. YOU stole that joke, and the effect, so really - you are the equal to a cover band...and as funny as a “knock knock” joke book someone keeps in the $hitter.

To all those that can't stop quoting Harry Allan's "Sleight of Mouth”…I HATE YOU, and MAGIC is worse off because of your unoriginal approach to entertaining people. Harsh…yep.

 

[jok3r]

Wow...this thread makes me hate magic. I am not trying to be rude guys, but your "lines" are neither original, nor are they all that great. Most of your responses are condescending.

Someone asks you a sincere question, and you mock them.

How is it done? "Magic" - yes, you have real magic powers!? Not a very adult answer, actually, I don't expect you to tell them - but a bit more of a connected answer that doesn't dismiss someone taking interest in you would be more mature.

Saying you are a Leprechaun - then they say, "no really" as in "no really, don't patronize me, I am asking you a serious question. Thanks for making me feel stupid" - then they ask again and you carry on with your charade.

I think many magicians don't know the difference of creating laughs and being laughed at. They also don't know the difference between a clever line and a line that sounds like "and 90% of the lines on this thread are" they come from a book of one liners...that are so old, I feel off my dinosaur when I last heard them...cricket...cricket. Exactly, old one liners guys - try to be creative.

When I came into this thread, I thought - wow, who would share the only thing that makes them different. We all do similar effects, from various sources, but what we say separates us...until I read the last three pages of garbage. THIS is mouth garbage that BX was kicked off for talking about - no wonder he hated it. I almost don't blame him, if this is what the standard of humour is.

Side note related - the Sankey joke about the break - EXPOSURE! This is funny (barely) in a room full of magicians...NOT for lay audiences.

Back to the point - the above line may be the closest thing to original, although, illogical...and to feel that you didn't get paid enough...I wonder if they felt they overpaid you, as when they turn on you...it's a choice they made because of feeling disconnected. When the crowd is against you...it is not about them...it's about you. This will take you time to see, but I would bet it was something you did...or didn't do, that made them feel aggressive.

The point is this - if you are going to continue to steal old lines from magicians...you are doing yourself and magic a disservice. By the looks of all of your "FUNNY LINES", I would also say you are missing a chance to connect, trying so hard to be funny...and when you get a laugh - you think, wow, aren't "I" funny....nope. YOU stole that joke, and the effect, so really - you are the equal to a cover band...and as funny as a “knock knock” joke book someone keeps in the $hitter.

To all those that can't stop quoting Harry Allan's "Sleight of Mouth”…I HATE YOU, and MAGIC is worse off because of your unoriginal approach to entertaining people. Harsh…yep.

wow, you really know how to kill a mood.

your the guy at the party nobody likes.

 

[Deleted member 2755]

wow, you really know how to kill a mood.

your the guy at the party nobody likes.

Morgician is just giving his advice. I absolutely agree with him there. Making your audiences feel stupid is not going to make them like you. There is a difference between saying some sort of joke to make your audience laugh and saying something to make your audience feel stupid so that you laugh. It kills the mood of the spectator.

Well if Morgician and I are the guys no one likes at the party, we'll feel better knowing that we are above everyone else. C'mon Morgician, let's go get some fruit punch and sit the corner and have a magic jam session while everyone else just laughs at our high intellect.

Oh booya.

-Doug

 

[joshrobarts]

Wow...this thread makes me hate magic. I am not trying to be rude guys, but your "lines" are neither original, nor are they all that great. Most of your responses are condescending.

Someone asks you a sincere question, and you mock them.

How is it done? "Magic" - yes, you have real magic powers!? Not a very adult answer, actually, I don't expect you to tell them - but a bit more of a connected answer that doesn't dismiss someone taking interest in you would be more mature.

Saying you are a Leprechaun - then they say, "no really" as in "no really, don't patronize me, I am asking you a serious question. Thanks for making me feel stupid" - then they ask again and you carry on with your charade.

I think many magicians don't know the difference of creating laughs and being laughed at. They also don't know the difference between a clever line and a line that sounds like "and 90% of the lines on this thread are" they come from a book of one liners...that are so old, I feel off my dinosaur when I last heard them...cricket...cricket. Exactly, old one liners guys - try to be creative.

When I came into this thread, I thought - wow, who would share the only thing that makes them different. We all do similar effects, from various sources, but what we say separates us...until I read the last three pages of garbage. THIS is mouth garbage that BX was kicked off for talking about - no wonder he hated it. I almost don't blame him, if this is what the standard of humour is.

Side note related - the Sankey joke about the break - EXPOSURE! This is funny (barely) in a room full of magicians...NOT for lay audiences.

Back to the point - the above line may be the closest thing to original, although, illogical...and to feel that you didn't get paid enough...I wonder if they felt they overpaid you, as when they turn on you...it's a choice they made because of feeling disconnected. When the crowd is against you...it is not about them...it's about you. This will take you time to see, but I would bet it was something you did...or didn't do, that made them feel aggressive.

The point is this - if you are going to continue to steal old lines from magicians...you are doing yourself and magic a disservice. By the looks of all of your "FUNNY LINES", I would also say you are missing a chance to connect, trying so hard to be funny...and when you get a laugh - you think, wow, aren't "I" funny....nope. YOU stole that joke, and the effect, so really - you are the equal to a cover band...and as funny as a “knock knock” joke book someone keeps in the $hitter.

To all those that can't stop quoting Harry Allan's "Sleight of Mouth”…I HATE YOU, and MAGIC is worse off because of your unoriginal approach to entertaining people. Harsh…yep.

while i agree original lines are something we should strive for i also would disagree with several of your points. For one, judging the poster above you and saying things like "perhaps they payed you too much" seems to just be attacking him. He was sharing a difficult experience and opinion not really a reason to judge him, thats what these forums are for, and his line was rather creative and funny for on on the spot creation. Yes some lines have been said to death but a layman isn't going to know that and they are used a lot because they have a good reaction. its not making fun of them or talking down to them its engaging them in a playful mood sometimes. For instance, the leprechaun bit was humorous and unique and creative. People know he's joking but its a way to divert the question. Yes it can be taken the wrong way but i see no reason not to use it in certain situations just like you wouldn't use certain tricks in certain situations. Yes we should strive for originality but sometimes in the heat of the moment its hard to be spontaneous. As for your comments about many of the people, saying you "hate" them? doesn't that seem a little harsh and immature. just because they have a different view then you doesn't really give you the right to be just as condescending and patronizing as you were saying they were to the audience. So people are going to use lines they have heard, guess what, people use tricks they didn't create too. doesn't mean they are ruining magic. i respect what your trying to say and also respectfully disagree with several of your points. I know you from the forums and know you give a lot of great advice i just felt that this time you kinda went on personal attacks. I would love to hear your take on the concept, you dont have to share your entire verbal repertoire, just give us an example of what you think would be better. im sure we would all like to hear a large variety of idea's

~josh

 

[jok3r]

Morgician is just giving his advice. I absolutely agree with him there. Making your audiences feel stupid is not going to make them like you. There is a difference between saying some sort of joke to make your audience laugh and saying something to make your audience feel stupid so that you laugh. It kills the mood of the spectator.

Well if Morgician and I are the guys no one likes at the party, we'll feel better knowing that we are above everyone else. C'mon Morgician, let's go get some fruit punch and sit the corner and have a magic jam session while everyone else just laughs at our high intellect.

Oh booya.

-Doug

i dont think any of us actually use these lines, it was just a fun thread.

he came in and had to make it serious

thats what i meant =]

 

[Ben Long]

do copperfields "HOHO! MAGIC!"
watch scrubs.

I'll admit, I've resorted to this before...

 

[MagicShadow9]

I agree with morgician. But i would still use the one-liners on my friends just cuz i can mess with them and they wouldn't care. Anyways, one of my line would be:

Them: Whoa! How'd you do that?!

Me: Do what?

Them: That trick that you just did, where you make the card jump to the top.

Me: Wait, I can do that? Cool. *Walks aways*

Its pretty dumb and unoriginal but it works.

 

[KatieKenner]

I agree with Morgician.

With the exception of about 3, you guys have made me relive my childhood of being around magicians. Same lines, same patter nothing cool or remotely funny to me anymore.

I think I threw up in my mouth a little.

But laughed hysterically at a handful.

Jussayin'

Love,

Katie

 

[joshrobarts]

i agree that the lines are stagnant and hackneyed when it comes to performing for magician's or someone like you katie who has pretty much grown up with magic all your life, but its not about magic for magicians, its about magic for a layman. yes i try and use my own lines as much as possible and trying new ones all the time. but i personally dont do this for other magicians most of the time, i do it for people who have never seen magic except on tv. if a line works better in a situation im going to use it regardless of how many times it has been used, Why? because its not about being the newest most cutting edge thing on the market, its not about stumping or impressing someone who is looking for the secret or knows the secret, its about the spectator and their experience, about what i can bring to them by any means neccesary. im not arguing just saying that different situations call for different things and that sometimes a line like that isn't entirely out of place. just dont overuse them and dont become reliant on them. always push your magic but dont forget your roots and those who came before you

 

[jok3r]

honestly i dont have lines, i just go with the flow and try to read the spectators.
i have stories for some effects, but not specific lines.

again i think this thread turned into a "just for laughs kinda deal"

why so serious?

 

[Morgan B]

I agree with Morgician.

With the exception of about 3, you guys have made me relive my childhood of being around magicians. Same lines, same patter nothing cool or remotely funny to me anymore.

I think I threw up in my mouth a little.

But laughed hysterically at a handful.

Jussayin'

Love,

Katie

Having Katie agree with me...that is ALL that matters, this girl has more skill in one finger than most people have in both hands. Yeah Katie, I have watched your vids. Thanks for the back up, I am flattered - same goes with you Doug, and I would love another glass of punch.

As for the gentlemen that made the "turd" comment - it wasn't a personal attack...actually, I said it was the best comment of the lot...although illogical, it still was fast thinking, original and served his purpose. I was PM'd by him, and he is not upset, and I think he also realized that I suspected him of being young and unable to handle a crowd. He corrected me on my assumptions, and neither one of us is upset...so, please don't try to be a hero - as I could have easily been correct with the demographics in this group.

My overall point is this - if you are using "lines", especially in the context you shared - you are missing the best part of what his offered in close up magic - being there. You are communicating - not just "presenting" - as it is two way. The best comedy I have seen in magic, is not "stock lines" but fast thinking on the part of the magician where it is situational, like David Williamson...or intelligent original comedy like you would hear from Ricky Jay. My point is two fold - one - while you are busy saying "robotic and unthoughtful words", I am making my audiences feel as if they are part of the experience by really meeting them...not performing for them, but getting to know them and laughing with them - not at them.

Second, I love Katie.


Point of interest - Jok3r states I don't use lines...then steals a line from a movie as a signature?

 

[jok3r]

i actually agree with you.
all im saying is was just in good fun, nobody uses these lines.

what line would you be referring too?

 

[Morgan B]

If you agree, then realize that this is a great time to discuss how to get away from "stock lines" and to make your work respresent you. It may be "fun" but essentially, you are promoting these lines, so if you agree and want you "art" to be an "expression" of you...then make it reveal the actual you - not a Harry Allan book.

Lastly, the line I was referring to was the use of "Why so serious?" from the Joker in Dark Knight - I find it odd that you say you don't use lines...to steal one from a movie.

 

[Ben Long]

I don't think that there's anything wrong with having "lines" to use as long as they're actually funny and your audience knows it's all in good fun. If you're insulting your audience, es ist nicht gut. Es ist sehr schlecht.

Also, originality is good, but you've got to admit, Chris Farley is funny no matter what decade it is.

 

[Chase]

The more you develop a character, the easier it is to steer clear of stock lines. New lines write themselves.

My character is a suspiciously friendly guy who consistently accidentally drops hints that he may be an agent of the dark side. Imagine a friendly salesman whose boss is secretly the devil.

This allows me to keep in character when asked questions. (I disagree with Morgician about why people ask questions. In my experience most people, when confronted with well performed magic, experience cognitive dissonance and the question, "How did you do that?" is the first sentence they can string together.

Here's a line I've been using for several years. If it fits you (and it probably doesn't), feel free to steal it.

Spectator: How did you do that?

Me: (Conspiritorial whisper) Before the trick I coated the cards in ethereal dust made from the ground up bones of an unbaptized infant boy.......

(Off the spectator's look)

.... I mean... I use pixie dust. ...From... pixies.

(Giant grin.)

Wanna see a coin trick?

 

[jok3r]

If you agree, then realize that this is a great time to discuss how to get away from "stock lines" and to make your work respresent you. It may be "fun" but essentially, you are promoting these lines, so if you agree and want you "art" to be an "expression" of you...then make it reveal the actual you - not a Harry Allan book.

Lastly, the line I was referring to was the use of "Why so serious?" from the Joker in Dark Knight - I find it odd that you say you don't use lines...to steal one from a movie.

ok ok gotcha, i thought you meant a line in my sig.

well my name is joker and i was saying you were being to serious, so i thought it kinda made since to say it.

sorry.

if you want to discuss, then make a thread ill comment =]

 

[clarrus]

I tend to make stuff up about the tricks I perform. Like when someone asked me how I did "Saw" I told them that I surgically replaced part of my neck with rubber latex. Of course she was like, you're lying and I was like yea......

People always say there are scientific or logical explanations to it so I give it to them.

When I do a card Tranpo, normally I say something like Nano-Technology, see the card molecules reform themselves when the card is in your hands, or I have a worm hole open up on both ends and they travel through sub-space.

 

[PjPinsonnault]

Honestly, though his post expressed this point in a rough-around-the-edges way, Morgician does hit a good chord with what he's saying.

I hadn't had time to read through the thread before I wrote my post, which admittedly was dumb but happened to work in that particular stand-up set. Having gone back and done so because of the venom spewing from Morgician's keyboard, well...

This is the thing with "lines;" they do often work, yes, and even the hack ones at that. They're stock, so they're typically easy to remember, and in some cases, people have heard them before and this can be a good thing.

Morgician hit a lot of the negatives which are also true.

I'll say this: the best lines I've got came from my own spectators. Someone at a bar gig I had a while ago used to always say at the climax of a trick "I don't know whether to sh*t or go blind with this guy." Same guy once took a twisted piece of silverware I'd worked on earlier and like it was made of putty twisted it back to normal and said "Not like you, though, I'm on steroids." He was serious.

I do think though that it took me time working with real people a LOT before things came together with this stuff. I got my timing down, kept my ears open, and wrote when I got home from a gig.

I'm sympathetic to the point that many people on this forum may be so new to magic that they simply don't know better...but it would be wrong of anyone seriously hoping to help to not show those who need it a better way.

Pj

 

[Shanku]

I perform with the notion that my audience doesn't believe in the classical sense of magic (as in abracadabra-wizards-can-just-wave-a-wand-and-things-will-happen magic) but rather they have the basic idea that it's mainly sleight of hand or gimmicks and the such (thanks to TV and the internet) but I still use a somewhat classical magic patter with a more modern approach (e.g. "If I let it settle for a while, the card rises to the top..."). Here are some lines I may use:

Spectator: How did you do that?
Me: I, like, practice and stuff...

Spectator: I know how you did that!
Me: Ah; you've got a keen eye. I have to be more careful around you!
(I don't shove the deck in their face and say, "Then you do the trick @$$h013!")

I really hate the overused ones like this one:
Spectator: Do that again!
Magician: Do what? *confused glare*

I have a few more but I'll keep them for myself.